The Fat, the Bald and the Ugly

There’s a certain kind of guy ever so common in Asia. They’re usually in their forties or fifties – physically in bodies of that age, mentally still trapped in the decades.

They waddle toad like down streets in their socks and sandals, bellies stretching taut the cotton of their cheap plain t-shirts.

Sometimes their shuffling stops at the approach of a pretty Asian girl. They size them up with a smile they probably imagine to be Jack Nicolson-esque. They may try to block her path with a sidestep, grinning lasciviously.

And they hate Western women. Loathe, blame and despise them.

I read a lot about misogyny and feminism. It might be common for men to concern themselves with these topics, I’ve no idea, but it should be. There have recently been some fantastically well written things, insightful, nuanced thoughts and, on the other side, petulant childlike fear masquerading as noble anger.

They have made me think about my responses to the misogyny I’ve heard directly. Not every older Western man in Asia is a wrinkly Vampire, but a sizeable percentage are, with views as deeply unpleasant and vile as any I’ve ever encountered.

What is the best response to this bewilderingly bitter idiocy?

My first experience was at a bar. My friend L and I were happily in the middle of a late night drinkathon, getting ourselves better acquainted with Johnny Walker. A small Australian – in every sense of the word – whispered in my ear.

Essentially he asked why I was bothering with a Western woman when so many Vietnamese girls were ‘way less work’.

We fell into conversation, and it didn’t come as a huge shock to find him no Oscar Wilde in the wit department. He refused to believe that L and I were friends. The notion of talking to a woman without the wish to have sex with her apparently alien to him.

He waxed lyrical on the appeal of Vietnamese girls – half his age and they don’t talk back. He’d prefer not to pay, but he didn’t mind doing so.

Then he moaned and complained and went on and on about Western women. Apparently they moan and complain and go on and on, which isn’t something men do.

He slapped my shoulder manfully and stared at me almost fatherly, while I struggled not to empty my stomach all over him. (Nothing to do with the drink, I swear). He looked into my eye and told me we were the same.

I looked back and told him that we really weren’t. From there, the conversation went downhill.

No, I don’t think women in the West are in a position of power I told his incredulous looking puffy fat face. At first, he put it down to my youth, condescendingly telling me that I’d learn. Pretty soon his plastic-spoon-sharp wit had deduced that I could only be a homosexual to have such ‘prissy’ views.

It might be nice to live in such a black and white world, where everything is so simple.

The first of a number of similar encounters. As a man, the worst of it is their notion that we are just the same. They like to whisper conspiratorially to you, like Eric Idle’s Mr Nudge, apparently safe in the knowledge that I’ll agree with their rancid opinions purely because we have the same genitals.

A 51 year old recently told me of the trouble he was having with a Vietnamese woman he was dating:

“I said to her, you’re 28. No-one is going to want you after you’re 30. If I wanted, I could date a 21, 22 year old. I’m being really nice sticking with you.”

Roses are red,

violets are blue,

do everything I tell you or

I’ll blackmail you.

I tried to explain how his words sounded, but he just didn’t seem able to grasp it.

I suppose trying to correct him is all that you can really do because, even if it is seemingly a waste of time, it’s better than saying nothing at all. I’ll happily take suggestions however, if anyone has any other suggestions.

 

A mother takes twenty years to make a man of her boy, and another woman makes a fool of him in twenty minutes.
~ Robert Frost ~

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Posted on October 9, 2012, in Misogyny and tagged , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 2 Comments.

  1. I’m feeling bitter this week. Let’s go old school about dealing with evil men (misogynists are evil, thank you). Dion Fortune wrote, clear back in the 40’s, “The best way to the heart of an evil man is through his skin.”

    Cause damn, all those manicures should be good for something.

  2. First thank you for sharing this. It’s always nice to hear from men who are aware of the misogyny in their society and don’t ignore it.

    I find that a lot of older men still cling to their old ideas of a subservient woman, in almost every culture – I think the western world just hides it better.

    What do I do when I am confronted with this kind of behavior – I get coldly polite, let them know my feelings in respectful terms and walk away. All while I really want to punch the misogynist pig in the throat. All I have to fight with is my words and the hope that maybe it will reach someone and they will rethink their ideas.

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